Provoking Independence

For all those parents and caretakers out there, this one is for you! Finding the balance between holding a person up and letting them go out on their own has been a struggle for parents and caretakers since the beginning of time. If you don't let your child struggle to swim sometimes while they are drowning they will never find the motivation to try to help themselves. However, watching your child struggle to swim while they are drowning is an almost impossible feat to bear and so parents will often jump in too soon. This concept of supporting others to find their own way is quite the paradox; that's just the way the world operates. So, how do parents, caretakers and coaches manage the perils of this paradox?
This is how I see it: Parents are to provide instruction, guidance and a safe secure solid ground for their child to place their feet firmly upon. When the child is able to experience this safe solid ground, they are able to experience the confidence to move forward and accept things as they are for there is no need for the child to escape a safe environment. However, if that safe secure solid ground is only present while the child is around their caretaker, a problem could arise; co dependence. Thus parents must identify the characteristics of this safe solid ground to their child and then let them go. The child needs to be able to leave and create a solid foundation/ground of its own, so they can take it with them wherever they go. This process may be simple for some parents and extremely heart wrenching for others. The process must be taken slow and at a time when both the parent and child believe they are somewhat ready for it. The process involves providing security under one of the child’s feet, while pulling out the secure ground from the other, thus leaving the child to find a way to balance on one foot while they find their own place to put their other foot down. This is the beginning of the process of letting go in order to allow the child to find their place; to make their own way in the world one step/foot at a time! Of course, you can expect the child may place their foot in areas that may not be so safe and secure. However, it is of vital importance that they learn this on their own. This is the way they are able to start taking responsibility for their own choices and actions. Thus they are able to start moving away from blaming others or their parents for the mistakes they make. Trial and error is the beginning process to provoking this independence. So when your child or client is struggling to swim, let them know that if they really can't swim on their own that you have a line to tow them in, but you're not going to immediately jump in to save them!