Cultivating the Soil (see also creating the space for growth)

When making changes and choosing new directions for personal growth, it is imperative you take the time to slow down and prepare. The preparation involves tying in your current values and beliefs you hold regarding this new endeavor.

1) What are the values in the new choice you are choosing now?
2) How does it differ from values and/or beliefs you may have held close to you in the past?
3) Are you willing to hold onto these new values and beliefs as you let go of the old?
4) What will support you while you create these new beliefs and honor these new values?

You have to spend time cultivating the soil for your new growth. The beginning stages of change and growth are often the most critical because habit and time naturally solidify commitment.
In the beginning you have to combat old habits while you find ways to support and encourage the new ones you are trying to implement. Being able to allow the new growth to blossom is a result of practicing and understanding new habits, beliefs, values, and reinforcing supports, which will become stronger over time.
Cultivation involves a process of prioritizing and understanding that others around you may be resistant to the changes you are nurturing for yourself. At these times, look at the values and beliefs you have listed and ask yourself if these are worth preserving. When you are moving towards new values and beliefs, it is vital that you find the places, people and things that will nurture this new growth in you as well.

Ask yourself,
1) Who do I know who might share this same value, belief or goal?
2) What environment (s) would best support this new value, belief or goal?
3) What supports do I need in order to keep believing in my ability to foster this new growth?

It really becomes a process of redefining yourself and prioritizing your time to foster the new growth. Priority is defined as “main concern, something given special attention, the right to precede other in order, preceding in time, etc”. How you spend your time says a lot about what you is important to you in life. Whether you like it or not, how you spend your time determines what is most important to you. I invite you to take a look at how you are spending your time and what the value and belief is behind that. When you take a look at your new growth you are fostering, ask yourself:

1) How much time am I spending cultivating my new growth?
2) What is the benefit for me in nurturing this new growth?
3) How might others benefit from this as well?

Again, as with anything new, riding a bike, learning a foreign language, losing weight, it takes more time, attention, focus, will, commitment, dedication and support to get to a comfortable place with it. You simply have to put more time in the beginning. So your new growth that you want to nurture inside of you will be able to grow strong and long lasting.
One technique I find to be helpful with putting this new growth at the top of your priorities list involves the antithesis of the phrase “out of sight, out of mind”. I refer to it as, “In Sight, In Mind”. What you think about expands and when you can visualize the growth you would like to see it enables you to have a positive image to refer to when things get rough. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “see it to believe it”?

This is the same concept. The power of the mind is one of the first steps to creating the healthy growth you want to see:

1) Take some time to be still and list out the values and beliefs you have found to be associated with this new growth
2) Find ways to keep these values and beliefs “In Sight, In Mind”. Go to those places that will naturally nurture these values and beliefs. Get creative with it!
3) Create a visual image of the growth and change you wish to see. Draw it out if you find that will be helpful as well.

This process of growth and change takes focus and time. Growth and change happens on all levels: mind, body and spirit. In my next submission, I will focus more on the body component for change.

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Creating the Space for Growth

True growth begins at the root. New roots cannot be created if there is no space for them to be planted. In order to create space for new growth, you must begin by throwing out the old. A wise woman recently told me, “The place where you die is the same place where you grow”. Meaning, you have to be willing to let parts of yourself die in order to let the new parts of yourself grow. A new part of yourself cannot establish roots if there are old nasty roots that are still occupying that part of yourself.

The process of letting go and/or letting die becomes a little less painful if you are able to visualize what it is that you would like to invite in as new. Being able to visualize the new nurturing growth is an amazing way to solidify your commitment of letting go of the old nasty roots. Being able to clearly see what is serving you and what is dragging you down are key components to understanding this process of letting go in order to let grow!

We all hold onto things all the time that do not really nurture our growth. We develop habits and repeat relationship patterns all the time. What we foster will grow, and what we ignore will eventually whither and die. Though where you place your attention and focus will determine which will grow and which will whither and die.

The first step to creating the space for growth is to figure out what your current habits and patterns are. Then figure out what habits and patterns serve you and others around you in a positive way and which ones lead you and others down disastrous paths. This is a step-by-step process that includes conscious living. You must be willing to pay attention to the teachers and natural lessons that are presented to you in life. You have to be willing to take responsibility for your choices and actions as they relate to how they support or hinder different components of your growth. Once you’ve figured out which pieces support you and which ones hinder you, the process of letting go to let grow can begin.

Take one component in your life that is holding you back, bringing you down, halting your growth. Really be willing to stare this component of your life in the face, shake hands with and be willing to consider waving goodbye. Identify how it’s holding you back and then identify what is preventing you from letting go of it. Next, visualize the positive nurturing place you would rather be within this realm of your life. Then list the components that you would need to foster and nurture in order to support the planting of these new roots.

Thus the process of creating the space for growth has begun….
1) You have been able to recognize what is and isn’t working for you.
2) You have been able to see what the negative effect of this habit/pattern is doing to you and others.
3) You have been able to visualize the benefits of letting go of this unsupportive pattern/habit
4) You can continue with the process of letting the old roots die so the new roots will have a space to be planted. (Again, “the same place where you die is the same place where you grow”)
5) You have identified some of the components necessary to support the planting and the nurturance of the new root.

This is the simplest way to explain the process of change. Not everything needs to completely die in order for new things to grow. Often, you can simply sprout another branch on your tree of growth. But I’m not talking about adding on to something already wonderful, I’m talking about getting rid of nasty habits and patterns that do not support the whole of you to continue to blossom and grow.

Sharing of Wisdom

As part of Rooted Living, I believe it is important to share wisdom and healthy knowledge that allows us to grow free of needing control and emotional masks. Therfore, I would like to share the following piece of wisdom I received during a workshop presented by Debbie Ford in my new hometown, San Diego, CA.
This is the one piece of knowledge I found to have gripped onto me and I am grateful for this!

Look at these two words:

WELLNESS

ILLNESS

Now circle the first two letters of the word "wellness". What do ya get?
Then circle the first letter of the word "Illness". What do ya get?

If you were successful with this activity, you would see that the first two letters in wellness spells WE. It's the connection and support to each other that keeps us moving forward. When we look to the I, as in illness, we become separated from each others experience; we become isolated and weak.
So, when we open ourselves up to others and align with each other just in the commonality of the human experience, life just feels nicer.
When we isolate ourselves; cut off from our awareness, gifts and each other, life can feel heavy. You must navigate your ego so you can get back to the simplicity of the WE.

Universe Will Provide

You must have some sort of faith as one of the vital components for your health and well-being. Having some kind of belief that if you can be brave enough to let go, you will open yourself up to all that has been waiting for you to receive. If we can surrender to the process and just believe each moment is meant to be just the way it was, without analysis, the universe will provide.
There can be more than a trillion moments in a day; Don't hold on, LET GO AND BELIEVE in the power of the gifts and talents you were given to share with each other.

Be Bold

Do what you know works for you. Be willing to be weird, unique, different, authentic. By letting go of the worries of extraneous influences, you allow yourself to blossom into the unique being you are meant to be.

Being Thankful: Looking to the Sky

When you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by things, take a moment to look to something else just for a moment. Take a break and look outward to all the wonderful things around you. Take a moment to look to the sky, the trees, loved ones around you. For what you think about expands, so be mindful and kind with your thoughts.
You must be able to look up to expand your awareness so will be able to focus back down with clarity. Sometimes we narrow in too much on what we think we should be doing, when we can simply look up and see what is really around us. You can’t be thankful of what is around you if you are not able to pick your head up from your narrowed focus and look around.

Go For It!

We always have more strength to draw from than we initially believe; you just have to know how to reach for it and be willing to do so. When you're struggling to move forward with an idea, a goal, or desire and when something keeps stopping you from moving forward with your pursuit, it's important to become aware of the roadblock(s). However, there's no need for you to analyze it in order to move forward.
I invite you to try this strategy in an attempt to squash your fears and move you through your discomfort to you're higher place.
Imagine someone you admire; a mentor, friend; someone who has the courage or confidence to do what it is it that you are struggling to do. Find someone who inspires you. Then imagine what they would do if they were faced with this roadblock. How would they overcome it? What would they do?
Further, imagine being that person just for a minute, see what comes to your mind. Just observe what comes to mind without judging and consider writing these thoughts and observations down.
This is a strategy to help you get unstuck and move past your fears and obstacles so you can get back in touch with your own amazing strengths. Whenever you’re not ready to begin by being you, figure out a way to do it by being somebody else until you can awaken your own strength to achieve it. This can be referred to as "Faking it til you make it". You literally fake that you have the strength until you have it and the ironic thing about it is; just thinking that you have this strength automatically gives it to you.

Elements of Support

Do you know your Individualized Plan of Care? Now, this "individualized plan of care or I.P.C." is a tool used by many therapists throughout the world. Now I know I'm not a therapist any longer, but I’ve definitely put together many of these in my lifetime and I've noticed how many similarities this tool has in common with the process of coaching. I'm sure you may already have an unwritten plan of care; understanding those wonderful things that nurture you. Whether it’s a warm bath, seated meditation, walk on the beach, a call from a close friend, unstoppable laughter. We all have things that nurture us, keep us going strong, and helps to build us up. However, at times when we get stressed, it becomes all too often that the very components of our I.P.C. that have been put in place for such a time, gets dropped; lost in the midst of the movement of the current chaos of your life.
A major focus of the coaching process is about identifying the current supports in your life and creating new ones as you continue to find new paths to traverse upon. As a coach, my main focus is on supporting the coachee and providing the space for them to identify supports in their lives so they can work their I.P.C. outside of the session as well. Identifying and using these supports is how the core of a person, once recognized, is allowed to grow. When you understand your core beliefs and values, you must move to the next step of finding out how to nurture and support them. This takes a process of looking at the who, what, where and how to get the support you need for each step along the way.
I invite you to consider these few questions regarding your own I.P.C.:
1) If you do have a plan, are you following it?
2) If you don’t, ask yourself how you can go about starting to create it?
3) Does the support you have right now help your core to grow or does it inhibit it? (It’s important to check the quality of your support as well).

Provoking Independence

For all those parents and caretakers out there, this one is for you! Finding the balance between holding a person up and letting them go out on their own has been a struggle for parents and caretakers since the beginning of time. If you don't let your child struggle to swim sometimes while they are drowning they will never find the motivation to try to help themselves. However, watching your child struggle to swim while they are drowning is an almost impossible feat to bear and so parents will often jump in too soon. This concept of supporting others to find their own way is quite the paradox; that's just the way the world operates. So, how do parents, caretakers and coaches manage the perils of this paradox?
This is how I see it: Parents are to provide instruction, guidance and a safe secure solid ground for their child to place their feet firmly upon. When the child is able to experience this safe solid ground, they are able to experience the confidence to move forward and accept things as they are for there is no need for the child to escape a safe environment. However, if that safe secure solid ground is only present while the child is around their caretaker, a problem could arise; co dependence. Thus parents must identify the characteristics of this safe solid ground to their child and then let them go. The child needs to be able to leave and create a solid foundation/ground of its own, so they can take it with them wherever they go. This process may be simple for some parents and extremely heart wrenching for others. The process must be taken slow and at a time when both the parent and child believe they are somewhat ready for it. The process involves providing security under one of the child’s feet, while pulling out the secure ground from the other, thus leaving the child to find a way to balance on one foot while they find their own place to put their other foot down. This is the beginning of the process of letting go in order to allow the child to find their place; to make their own way in the world one step/foot at a time! Of course, you can expect the child may place their foot in areas that may not be so safe and secure. However, it is of vital importance that they learn this on their own. This is the way they are able to start taking responsibility for their own choices and actions. Thus they are able to start moving away from blaming others or their parents for the mistakes they make. Trial and error is the beginning process to provoking this independence. So when your child or client is struggling to swim, let them know that if they really can't swim on their own that you have a line to tow them in, but you're not going to immediately jump in to save them!